Chapter 25: Almost Lover

I recently looked back on the chapter I wrote about my voice class. Well.....today I had my final. Yes, the class is over and I sang my final solo for the class. The song I chose was "Almost Lover" by Alison Sudol/A Fine Frenzy. At first I was really excited about my song choice. I really love this song. But as I practiced the song more and sang in front of the class, I became a bit down. I was unsure if I could really pull it off. The key was good for my voice, but I was doubtful. Then as the final came closer, I was worried. I felt like I wasn't ready. Like I wasn't prepared to show the emotion I wanted to for the song.

That changed today.

I performed the song. I didn't mess up. And most of all, I showed emotion. I could feel the song inside of me and that's exactly what I was looking for! My thoughts were focused. I was focused. And I feel like I did alright. I say that now, but we'll see what I really think once I listen to the recording. :/

It's funny how one class can change someone. I used to be really nervous and hiding of my voice. Now I want to sing as much as I can. And if people want to hear me, that's okay. I took a voice class for a reason and if I don't use what I learned, then what was the point?

I find happiness in music. And when I can connect to a song, I automatically smile.

All I can say right now is that when you are hesitant about a class or doing something that makes you break out of your shell, stop. Don't doubt yourself, and go for it. Follow the feeling you have inside. Your heart knows.

Don't let the criticisms of your mind or the negative influences of others get in the way. Because you never know when something that seems small or of no importance is actually just what you needed in life.

Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin,

The palm trees swaying in the wind, images.

You sang me Spanish lullabies,

The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick.

Well I'd never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover,

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

Should have known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street,

You took my hand and danced with me, images.

And when you left you kissed my lips,

You told me you would never, never forget these images, oh no.

Well I'd never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

Should have known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean,

I cannot drive the streets at night.

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind.

So you're gone and I'm haunted,

And I'll bet you are just fine.

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

Should have known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

Chapter 24: Dropped Dough

Today was the Sunday Session of General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I absolutely love Conference and it's always at the perfect time of year because it's just when I really need answers and a pick me up. This year was amazing and I learned more about myself, my life, and the gospel. I know this church is true.

On another note, I wrote down an interesting story of an experience I had today. I call this one Dropped Dough.

Here's a funny story: I was making gluten free cookies for my sister. I was sort of half listening to conference. Well I put the butter mix in the bowl with sugar and oats to mix for the dough. Then I thought I would bring it in the study room where my computer could be set down better and mix while watching conference. Well when trying to carry a computer and bowl.....it happened. I dropped the bowl and the partly mixed dough dropped! Plop! Right on the ground. My reaction: EFF! Onto my roommates ethernet cord, and on the rug. Ew. So I started to clean up. Then, as I was angry and frustrated, Elder Oaks spoke about how Joseph Smith could not translate the Book of Mormon when he had angry feelings. Yeah, object lesson right then and there. I started to laugh and cry at this while continuing to clean. I can't listen/hear the Spirit when I'm angry. Even though I was doing something good (cookies for my sister) I wasn't listening to conference and soon my dropped dough became my anger and I just focused on myself and unfairness. Lesson learned. I needed to listen to conference. And smile when cleaning. Because the anger automatically drives me away from that Spirit and I am rude. God always blesses us. It's almost as if I were angry with God, and that's not right. I remember thinking sort of talking to God, "yeah I'm pissed". That's not right. And now I know God wanted to tell me something. I'm sure my sister will understand as she wasn't expecting cookies. At least the dough was partially mixed so it was a clump of dough rather than the liquids/oats separated and splattered. I'm a really lucky girl.

So after having that experience, I realized how stupid I can be sometimes. And how my relationship with the Lord is very unique. He makes sure to give me experiences that are a kick to the head and that are often full of humor. And I thank Him for every one of my experiences like that. After all it's just what I need. And the Lord knows what's best for me and my life. :)

Chapter 23: Voice Class

It's been awhile since I have last blogged. School is in full mode now and I've been quite the busy girl. Thank goodness though because the time is going by faster than I thought, and that means that winter is soon to be here.

My classes are alright, but my favorite class is voice class. I registered for this randomly in a sense. I guess I have always wanted to take a class like this, but didn't know what to expect, so I just registered and hoped for the best. The best came. Before going to the class I was worried it would only focus on opera. Thank goodness I was wrong. I am learning about the basics of singing and the proper way to sing. Not only that, I am breaking out of my shell and singing in front of people. My nerves are lowering! That was my main goal. And of course to improve my voice as I am not a professional singer for a reason.

Today was particularly a great class. We did one-on-ones with the teacher. As I arrived I stretched out, and warmed up. Then she wanted to see what my range was like. Who knew I could go high? I always thought that my voice was getting a little lower range over the years, but I can still hit (by the way never say hit a note in this class, I learned my lesson) the high notes. So correction, I can still sing the high notes. And during my warm ups she asked me if I worked out. Haha, looks like those ab workouts are paying off! I learned a lot about my singing during that brief lesson. I have a lot to work on, and I am going to improve.

My main goal is to be able to sing a solo confidently in front of a crowd of people. Hopefully I will have a chance over winter break. And I am not going to back down. If someone asks, I will gladly accept.

On Sunday I had my first chance to break out of my shell. I was able to sing (along with another friend) a song for our friend's baptism. We sang "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". I was terrified, but once I was up there singing, I felt a little better. Haha. It wasn't perfect, but it was the first step to my singing abilities. I sang in front of a lot of people, and people I knew at that. I got through it, and my voice isn't all that terrible.

So now that the first step has been taken, I can move on. I can improve, and I can get stronger. It's one exciting journey for sure. And today during my lesson I learned another lesson. She told me that I have a loud singing voice (loud as in not obnoxious or whatever she was trying to say), but that I am a shy person. I guess that's just it. Music is my way of not being shy. I can express a little more and I can really show more emotion or whatever. But seriously.....there's a reason music is in my life. :) And this I know for many reasons (thank you patriarchal blessing).

I am going to continue to sing and take any opportunity I can. For once I am doing something I have always wanted to do. I took a chance, and now look. I am singing once again and I smile every time.

Music has the power to change us. It's beautiful and inspiring. I hope that I can show people the power of music.