Chapter 26: Runaway Girl

I apologize for not writing in a long time. I just haven't sat down and blogged. I have written in my journal though which is a plus. Lately I've been a little down, I'll admit it. Of course I am looking to change this, because who wants to be down all the time? Not me. I decided that I wanted to share a little bit about running. I haven't really been running in awhile. Over winter break I went a couple times outside and it was AMAZING. It makes me really excited for Summer. Now that I am back in Boston I haven't ran outside because it's so cold and in the beginning of the semester it was super icy. That and I guess I am a wimp.

I decided to give myself a challenge this semester. I don't have an exact goal, but I could make it right now I guess. My challenge is the mile challenge. Each Tuesday I time myself for a mile run, and so far.....I am very happy. I started timing myself on Tuesday January 25th in which I had the time 7:23.07. I didn't think that was too bad, but of course I really wanted to get my time down lower. So after each week, I improved. The first week I ran on Thursday as well and knocked off about 7 seconds. It only got better. Today I timed myself and my time is now down to 6:49.31. I am very happy with that time, although it's only one second faster than my time last week. That's okay though. I am improving and I knew I would hit a plateau eventually. I just love running.

Another reason I want to write about running is because a friend of mine read a chapter of my thoughts and discovered that I don't just run for the health aspect of it. It's true. I run a lot from life I guess. And there have been times when I am not very happy so I go for a run. I don't listen to the typical pump up music, but I listen to songs that make me think. Sometimes I don't listen to any music. And the more I think about running, the more I think I need to make sure I run more and more. My life is only getting harder, so why not run to make it a little easier?

And after thinking about running, one day I wrote a song. Well lyrics to a song I guess. I'll share them with you. I might not be the most talented person in a lot of areas, but I try. And I don't really care too much about what people think (I do care a lot though), so I figure why not do the things that make me happy.

I run.

Running (title unknown)

Running from the world I'm living in

Going through a battle that I'm gonna win.

I'm no longer looking back at the past,

But moving forward with a pace so fast.

Everytime I run my thoughts are so clear

Clear in the night and clear in the day.

I know that I no longer want to be here,

So I run, run, run away.

Running from the life I used to know

To go somewhere else to learn and grow,

And when I feel like I don't belong,

I'll keep running until I feel strong.

Everytime I run my thoughts are so clear

Clear in the night and clear in the day.

I know that I no longer want to be here,

So I run, run, run away.

Instead of worrying about what I should have done,

I'm going to RUN.

Chapter 25: Almost Lover

I recently looked back on the chapter I wrote about my voice class. Well.....today I had my final. Yes, the class is over and I sang my final solo for the class. The song I chose was "Almost Lover" by Alison Sudol/A Fine Frenzy. At first I was really excited about my song choice. I really love this song. But as I practiced the song more and sang in front of the class, I became a bit down. I was unsure if I could really pull it off. The key was good for my voice, but I was doubtful. Then as the final came closer, I was worried. I felt like I wasn't ready. Like I wasn't prepared to show the emotion I wanted to for the song.

That changed today.

I performed the song. I didn't mess up. And most of all, I showed emotion. I could feel the song inside of me and that's exactly what I was looking for! My thoughts were focused. I was focused. And I feel like I did alright. I say that now, but we'll see what I really think once I listen to the recording. :/

It's funny how one class can change someone. I used to be really nervous and hiding of my voice. Now I want to sing as much as I can. And if people want to hear me, that's okay. I took a voice class for a reason and if I don't use what I learned, then what was the point?

I find happiness in music. And when I can connect to a song, I automatically smile.

All I can say right now is that when you are hesitant about a class or doing something that makes you break out of your shell, stop. Don't doubt yourself, and go for it. Follow the feeling you have inside. Your heart knows.

Don't let the criticisms of your mind or the negative influences of others get in the way. Because you never know when something that seems small or of no importance is actually just what you needed in life.

Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin,

The palm trees swaying in the wind, images.

You sang me Spanish lullabies,

The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick.

Well I'd never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye, my almost lover,

Goodbye, my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

Should have known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street,

You took my hand and danced with me, images.

And when you left you kissed my lips,

You told me you would never, never forget these images, oh no.

Well I'd never want to see you unhappy.

I thought you'd want the same for me.

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

Should have known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean,

I cannot drive the streets at night.

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind.

So you're gone and I'm haunted,

And I'll bet you are just fine.

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye my almost lover,

Goodbye my hopeless dream.

I'm trying not to think about you,

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance,

My back is turned on you.

Should have known you'd bring me heartache,

Almost lovers always do.

Chapter 24: Dropped Dough

Today was the Sunday Session of General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I absolutely love Conference and it's always at the perfect time of year because it's just when I really need answers and a pick me up. This year was amazing and I learned more about myself, my life, and the gospel. I know this church is true.

On another note, I wrote down an interesting story of an experience I had today. I call this one Dropped Dough.

Here's a funny story: I was making gluten free cookies for my sister. I was sort of half listening to conference. Well I put the butter mix in the bowl with sugar and oats to mix for the dough. Then I thought I would bring it in the study room where my computer could be set down better and mix while watching conference. Well when trying to carry a computer and bowl.....it happened. I dropped the bowl and the partly mixed dough dropped! Plop! Right on the ground. My reaction: EFF! Onto my roommates ethernet cord, and on the rug. Ew. So I started to clean up. Then, as I was angry and frustrated, Elder Oaks spoke about how Joseph Smith could not translate the Book of Mormon when he had angry feelings. Yeah, object lesson right then and there. I started to laugh and cry at this while continuing to clean. I can't listen/hear the Spirit when I'm angry. Even though I was doing something good (cookies for my sister) I wasn't listening to conference and soon my dropped dough became my anger and I just focused on myself and unfairness. Lesson learned. I needed to listen to conference. And smile when cleaning. Because the anger automatically drives me away from that Spirit and I am rude. God always blesses us. It's almost as if I were angry with God, and that's not right. I remember thinking sort of talking to God, "yeah I'm pissed". That's not right. And now I know God wanted to tell me something. I'm sure my sister will understand as she wasn't expecting cookies. At least the dough was partially mixed so it was a clump of dough rather than the liquids/oats separated and splattered. I'm a really lucky girl.

So after having that experience, I realized how stupid I can be sometimes. And how my relationship with the Lord is very unique. He makes sure to give me experiences that are a kick to the head and that are often full of humor. And I thank Him for every one of my experiences like that. After all it's just what I need. And the Lord knows what's best for me and my life. :)